So, I've been on blogging vacation for a while. I just didn't like it. I didn't want to share all my feelings for all the world to read, but I have so many things inside just festering and I NEED to release them!!! I am going to be honest and I am sorry.
So, over the past few months, I have been running with an awesome group of women. They are encouraging and fun to be around. Last night though, I wanted to quit. Not because of the girls, but because of me. I don't feel like I am improving at all. I feel like I am always going to be the slow one (which is fine, but discouraging.) It just made me sad last night. Then, once I got home and talked to Chad, he had me decide which I wanted more, to train for a half-marathon or to try to get pregnant again. I know there will always be half-marathons, so my decision was easy. I am not going to stop running, I will still do it, but I am not going to put pressure on myself. And, once we start trying, there will be nights I won't go.
Homeschooling is going well. I have released myself from the pressure I've put on myself. It's so hard when you have a child like Olivia who is so bright and has always talked like a grown-up, to remember she is only 4. I have been killing myself to teach her to read and accomplish other benchmarks that I have set for her that are unrealistic. She is only 4. The basics is what we need!! We love going to CC (classical conversations) on Tuesdays to meet with our tutor, Ms. Fran. Olivia loves standing up in front of the group and giving her presentations and is doing a great job communicating with her audience. She has really matured in that area in just 6 weeks. We take a break this week, so we will play catch up.
I was promoted to manager at Gymboree, which means more responsibility and more pay. We have been so blessed to have this opportunity at Gymboree for the past few years. I wouldn't change it for the world.
We have been on a "trying to have another baby" break for at least 5 months. I have tried not to worry, count days, take ovulation tests, read blogs about it, and not see a doctor. But, the time has come to start thinking about it again. Chad wants to be done having babies by the time he is 40 and he turned 38 earlier this month. So, off to the doctor I go. I have had to make some tough decisions regarding doctors. I don't want to go back to the same doctor I had been seeing. I was kinda tired of feeling like just a chart and that she didn't really care about how I felt or what was going on in my brain. So, after much prayer and consideration, we are changing. I am going to see Fred Kinder. He goes to our church and is a Christian. I feel very comfortable with my decision, but with the current living situation (my brother and his friend live with us), I am second guessing even going to see the doctor to try to even try to get pregnant. Olivia prays every night that Jesus will put two babies in my tummy. I kinda hope so too....
Okay, enough venting....
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