Here we go-another post-with nothing directly about Olivia. Sorry...still in need of some therapy.
I don't know how many of you know that when Chad and I were first married, we tried to get pregnant. We went through rounds and rounds of clomid and progesterone-it was a very LONG and difficult process. I had been off all those meds for about 7 months when we found out we were expecting Olivia. We were super excited-and she is a bright, beautiful, wonderful, hilarious, amazing little person! WE are constantly amazed at her.
WELL-
She has been telling me for sometime now that she wants a baby in my tummy. And more specifically, she wants a girl baby in there. My heart BROKE the first time she ever said this to me. I know it sounds cute and sweet, don't get me wrong it is, but those words were like daggers to my heart. You see, since Olivia has been born, we have not used birth control, nothing zilch...and we have not gotten pregnant. BREAKS my heart. I want Olivia to have sibling. I want Chad to have a son (if not, the Moon last name pretty much ends with us-makes me sad).
SO-
We have started and stopped the clomid process off and on for about a year or more, but the only problem is I have a cyst and they don't want to give the medicine if you have a cyst for fear of making it worse. I went to the doctor yesterday to discuss all this and other issues going on and they saw that once again, I have a cyst. They want it to go away before we do any more clomid. I have two weeks to PRAY this cyst away! If not, we will be face with going to see the fertility doctor. (Not something I am looking forward to, that's more expensive than the child itself!) Please be praying for us-pray for the cyst to go away, pray for peace, pray for guidance in the next steps.
I have been dealing with serious guilt. I KNOW we already have one child, we should be thankful and move on (tell that to a man that knows his name will end, tell that to my heart that longs to see my husband be a dad to a little boy). I KNOW God has a purpose (don't need "well meaning" folks telling me that to make me feel better-when it often stings like pouring salt in a wound.) This is a hard thing to deal with whether or not you have kids or 7 kids and want more.....
(again-say what you want, think what you want-this is how I feel about this!)
3 comments:
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I am praying for you, that you will have another child and that your cyst will be gone.
When my parents got married they tried for 7 years to have me, 3 doctors told them they couldn't have kids and finally they got pregnant out of nowhere(she had a bladder infection and found out bc they moved her to the maternity ward without telling her why). Then after five more years of no luck they finally got pregnant with my sister. I've had a feeling for years that I would have the same problem one day.
The good thing about parents like you is that you really cherish your children because you had to try and pray so hard to get them here.
Hey i am suuper boy
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